Losing it All
by Burgirhig
Summary: One Shot Song fic. All Sam ever wanted was Dean's respect...


**Hey Guys,**

**So I heard this song and I couldn't get it out of my head so I wrote this story. I really do suggest you listen to the song. It's called "Losing it All", by Shannon Noll. You may not like it very much the first time you hear it, but it grows on you.**

**Please Review this story. I know it's a one shot but I really would appreciate it.**

**Thanks **

**PS I don't own Supernatural or Losing it all, however much I might want to. Bugger!**

**LOSING IT ALL**

"If you walk out that door, don't even think about coming back!" Sam choked, looking from Dean to his father and back again. He wanted to go to college but he didn't want to leave his family. He didn't want to leave Dean. He glanced over at Dean who was looking at the floor guiltily. _Typical, _thought Sam, _Never take my side. Always following orders, unless they're from me that is._ His anger overcame his fear of not being able to return and he glared at his father.

"FINE!" he stalked out of the room and up the stairs to pack, shoving his stuff into the duffel hurriedly, trying to stop the burning in his throat from becoming tears.

He heard his brother's voice in his head, _please, no chick flick moments!_ He pushed it away and stomped down the stairs, duffel over one shoulder. He stopped for a second out side the kitchen, whispering so that only Dean could hear.

"Bye, Dean. I'm sorry." and walked out the door, slamming it behind him.

XXX

_Been outside, walking in circles around the truth  
Just trying to find a road that doesn't lead back to you  
and there you go painting the walls up around your heart_

_So go on, run away, cause facing each other is just to damn hard_

XXX_  
_

As soon as he heard the door close he stood up. He was mad. Mad at his father, mad at Sam, but mostly, mad at himself. Sam was the reason he never questioned his father. It was for his safety. Everything Dean did was for him. Why hadn't he followed his instincts? Why hadn't he stood up to their father? Told him to let Sam go? Let him come back…

"What the hell was that?" He shouted glaring at his father, "Why couldn't you just let him go? At least then he might come home occasionally at least."

"I didn't think he would actually go."

"What on earth gave you that idea dad? You make his life a living hell and then you expect him to choose you over his dream? Huh?"

"NO DEAN I DIDN'T! I… I expected…"

"What dad, what did you expect?"

"I thought he would stay for you." Dean glared at him for a second and stormed off to his room. Tears of guilt threatening to destroy the walls he had built up against them._  
_

XXX

_It was raining out  
We should have learned by now_

XXX

Sam sat at the bus stop staring into space. It was pouring rain but he didn't mind. It hid his tears. He smiled when he thought about what Dean would say if he saw him now. _God Samantha, get a grip! _How was he going to survive out there, in the real world, with out Dean?

XXX

_  
I know it feels like fate  
Like these are mistakes we're meant to make  
But I've walked that road before searching for more  
And losing it all_

XXX_  
_

Four and a half years and a dead girl friend later and Sam still kind of regretted his decision to leave Dean. He loved college but he didn't feel completely himself, unless Dean and his, "no-chick-flick-moments" personality, was there with him. He looked up at Dean and forced himself to continue.

"Well, then this selfish bastard is going to California." He regretted it as soon as he said it but he wasn't about to let Dean know that. He slung his back pack over his shoulder and started to walk away. Again.

"Come on, you're not serious." He heard Deans voice and wanted nothing more then to scream out 'I'm not serious! I just need you to take me seriously' but instead he just kept walking, shouting back over his shoulder.

"I am serious."

"It's the middle of the night! Hey, I'm taking off, I will leave your ass, you hear me?" Sam stopped. He wanted Dean to listen to him, not leave him in the middle of nowhere. He sighed; he would never get what he wanted from Dean if he gave in. He turned back to Dean, putting on a rebellious attitude.

"That's what I want you to do." They stared at each other for a few seconds, neither one wanting to give in. To admit defeat.

Dean was the first to move. Turning towards his car, saying simply…

"Goodbye, Sam."

XXX

_  
So you're thinking 'bout giving it up just to try and find  
something else something like what we would leave behind  
_

XXX

Sam didn't know why he felt drawn to Meg but he suspected it was because, after six months of traveling with his big brother, he needed someone to talk to. He wasn't used to the silence of being alone. For real this time, not with a girlfriend to stop him thinking about what he had lost, or college buddies to stop you from thinking at all. No, this time he was alone, and he wasn't ready for it.

XXX

_  
Sometimes it takes a lie for us to see the truth  
The reasons why we try to run to something new  
I know someone could break my heart apart from you  
But I don't need them to  
I'd rather be with you_

_  
_XXX

"Well, you figure out what it is, you can figure out a way to kill it." Sam explained into the phone that had replaced human contact with Dean.

"I know. I'm actually on my way to a local community college. I've got an appointment with a professor. You know, since I don't have my trusty sidekick geek boy to do all the research." Sam laughed, both at the joke and the joyful realization that his big brother, who never needed help from anyone, needed him. No matter what he said out loud.

"You know; if you're hinting you need my help, just ask." _And I will come crawling_. He didn't add the last bit; he wanted Dean to respect him, not to disregard him completely.

"I'm not hinting anything." Sam almost sighed, _damn_. "Actually, uh—I want you to know….I mean, don't think…" And there it was. Everything Sam had been searching for.

"Yeah. I'm sorry, too." He could come back now.

XXX

_  
I know it feels like fate  
like these are mistakes we're meant to make  
but if you walk out that door  
I know for sure  
we'll lose it all_

XXX

"So, can I drop you off somewhere?" Dean held his breath. He didn't want to let Sam go, but he would if it meant keeping him close.

"No, I think you're stuck with me."

**THE END**

**So what do you think? Write a review and tell me!**


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